Lake Nowhere (2014)

*kisses fingertips*

Coming in at a mere 50mins long (including the amazing fake trailers and ads at the start) Lake Nowhere is a small but perfectly formed homage to 80s slashers, complete with its own deliciously weird spin on things.

If you're old enough to be nostalgic about watching scary movies on VHS and all of the character-building little details it involved, like murky visuals, tracking lines and glitches, then this film is something you're going to want to check out.

Written by Ryan Scott Fitzgerald and Christopher Phelps, and directed by Phelps and Maxim Van Scoy, Lake Nowhere keeps it simple but strong in two important aspects.

Story. A group of friends (and a dog) arrive at a remote lakeside cabin for the weekend and set about merrily exploring, chopping wood, and settling down for a couple of days of fun. They drink, smoke some pot, have some sex - the usual.

What they don't anticipate is a masked killer lurking around outside (cue lots of cool POV peeping shots). To say any more would give too much away... but rather like a micro budget version of The House of the Devil, this largely sticks to well-worn horror paths. Where and how both elevate themselves above mere imitation and remain an actively enjoyable watch, is due to the fact they're so clearly made with a deep love and understanding of the genre.

Lake Nowhere gets so much, so right. Plus there's also enough of a twist in the tail to still shock.

One of my favourite shots.

Style. I've never had a movie so perfectly mimic the behaviour of VHS, to the point where ancient muscle memory kicked in and I almost found myself reaching for the remote to try and stabilise the playback.

To the haters on Amazon leaving bad reviews because of the picture quality: I truly pity your misunderstanding of this aspect of the movie! ️🤦

The titles and soundtrack/score too, are spot on. Bright red words glare at us over grainy shots of the shoreline, and the upbeat rock music played by the kids sits perfectly next to scuzzy atmospheric electro.

I debated showing the screenshot directly above, but want to draw attention to what a simple, eerie choice this was to have the killer's eyes upside down when shown. These shots are extremely creepy as they punctuate the film. Genius idea.

This is honestly the kind of horror movie that makes fans want to make movies. It took a little over a year from concept to screen; was funded by the makers themselves and an Indiegogo campaign, then shot in just 6 days at a last minute back-up location. Lake Nowhere is a solid gold example of creating something beautiful if you have the guts to go for it.

I wrote simply "YES" and the end of my notes for this.

Seriously considering buying one of the posters from their aptly dated looking official site.

See it, see it, see it!

I watched on Shudder but it's also available on Google Play, Amazon Prime and Vimeo.

Creep 2 (2017)

A strong sequel from Brice and Duplass featuring our favourite unpredictable, slightly goofy killer. This was a DELIGHT.

Formally "Josef" but now going by "Aaron" (so he's adopted the name of the victim in the first film), Duplass's anti-hero teams up with a female videographer called Sara (the amazinggg Desiree Akhavan) for another 24 hour video-making project.

Don't be fooled into thinking this is a re-treading of the original concept, because it surpasses it. Aaron tells Sara exactly what he is: that he's killed 39 people to date, that he prefers the term "murderer" to "serial killer". He says since hitting middle age he's feeling like he's losing his edge and passion for the kill. In an effort to document his story and maybe evolve his approach, he wants Sara's help. 

Sara herself is looking for the perfect final episode for a video series she's been producing. Watching back over her previous work, she confesses to her camera how lame it all seems, and really she just wanted to connect with other weirdos. The next day, her interest is piqued by Aaron's ad. Ignoring internal alarm bells during their initial contact, and not wholly believing the one thing the audience actually knows to be true - that he's a serial killer - she continues to stick around, possibly even growing fond of him, and wondering if she's just met the ultimate weirdo.

❝I think I might be deeply untalented...❞

− Sara.

Akhavan is instantly likeable as Sara. Self-deprecating, intelligent and fearless, she's shown as someone who knows this is a fucking stupid idea, but can't help but get pulled deeper into the strange existence of this oddball.

As in Creep, the "horror" really comes from the moments of extreme tension and unease we're made to feel as the story develops. We KNOW that Aaron/Josef is a gold-plated psychopath, and his abilities to charm and disarm are even more powerful in this sequel (confession: I fell for him a little bit watching this. Sorry not sorry?!). He tells a lie as easy as breathing, and everything he says seems genuine and delivered with such conviction, but we know from the first film that anything and everything he's feeding Sara could be false. This is now the second movie we've spent in his company and even we know barely anything about the guy. 

*swoon*... er, I mean "eeek!"

Working off of some solid writing, it's the chemistry between the two leads that really elevates this to something special. These characters really appear to be connecting, and it's super suspenseful watching them interact, wondering what exactly this relationship between them could mean. Will this be a twisted love story? Or just that both are willing to play along for the sake of what they have to gain? ...Or something else entirely?

Creep 2 is sitting at 100% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes and I completely understand why. This is found footage done with such ease that you forget it's found footage. It leads you down a path in the dark, not even asking you to trust it, but you can't help but follow. I urge you to follow!

Streaming on Netflix right now - and there's a third installment in development, according to IMDb! If you enjoyed the first, you must see this. Bonus points for normalising female body hair and full frontal male nudity, too!

Tony (2009)

Have you ever gone days without speaking to anyone? Maybe you didn't leave the house for a bit, too. It definitely leaves you feeling slightly disconnected from the world, and aware of everything continuing on around you, regardless. This is basically how our titular main character in Tony exists.

Tony (Peter Ferdinando) has no job, no friends, and his only reliable company is action movies on VHS. He's... an odd chap, so he finds it hard to meet new people; his manner seeming to irritate and/or scare anyone who does ever get particularly close. It's this detachment from people, and the anonymity of London and its boroughs, that makes it easy for Tony to do what he does (kill, keep, and eventually dismember and dispose) and - as far as we know - get away with it.

As someone who spent may years living in London, seeing it displayed in a less than romantic light is really great. The truth of London life, if you're living there as a normal person earning a normal wage, is housing estates, shady looking neighbours and dilapidated buildings. On his many wanders, Tony passes closed down pubs, shop-fronts and unappealing looking blocks of flats (as well as more harmless sights like launderettes and kids playing in the street). 

In amongst the more suburban stuff, we catch glimpses of big London landmarks in the background, like the "Gherkin", Canary Wharf and BT Tower. The city exists all around Tony, the ant hill rumbling along behind it all as he walks, and stalks, and kills. I found this a beautiful and terrifying way of illustrating just how removed from "normal life" an individual can become in a city, with little to no problem (though there is an amusing moment toward the end where Tony is getting grief from the dreaded Television Licence man). This receding back from civilization can work in a loner's favour, as a sort of protection - and this theory is certainly backed up by Tony successfully navigating various situations by either killing his way out or being saved by pure dumb luck.

Tony's kills do become more desperate rather than opportunistic toward the end of the film though, which makes us wonder how much longer he has before someone finally puts two and two together. That said, he's such an invisible presence as he moves through the world, it's also possible that he could continue for years to come. How many killers are operating at any one time in any city? How many have been caught only through fluke or because they wanted to be? Here, Tony does not seem anywhere close to remorseful about what he's doing (he commits murder with a demeanor of pure detached matter-of-factness) so his end will likely come about through being caught, or perhaps killed himself by an underestimated victim.

To make Tony's story even more uncomfortable, Gerard Johnson (who wrote and directed) gives us multiple instances in the film where you kind of feel bad for the guy?! For the most part he's treated like shit if he's noticed at all, and this frustration and sense of further being removed from "normal" people undoubtedly fuels his urge to kill.

The first time we see him he's trying to make small talk to an uninterested DVD seller on the street, and his earnestness and complete inability to read social cues is on full display (see also: watching the arguing couple in the pub). I think this is meant to show him as someone not inherently "evil", it's just that he wants to be part of something... to make a connection, but he lacks the skills to do so successfully. If this is reminding you a little of a serial killer named Dahmer, then yes, there are definite parallels. I'll let you see for yourself to discover just how far those similarities go.

My one gripe about this film is the renaming to Tony: London Serial Killer for certain markets. It's cringe-worthy in its obviousness, and way too on-the-nose for a film so quiet and mundane. "Tony" is one word, one short word, and not even a particularly interesting name... its normality suits the unembellished horror much better.

See, the beauty of Tony is its simplicity. User comments I read (don't ask me why, it's always a mistake isn't it) complained that it was "boring", and "nothing happens". And that's pretty close to being true. If you're the kind of horror fan who needs something to jump or shriek or otherwise spike your blood pressure every few minutes, then this is not going to be an enjoyable movie experience. However if, like me, you love a slow, almost ordinary-feeling film punctuated by violence, Tony is definitely worth checking out.

Streaming on Shudder (I'm doing a 30 day free trial) at time of writing.

Beyond The Gates (2016)

Beyond The Gates definitely gets points for originality and then extra points for nostalgia value.

This weird little movie taps deep into the nostalgia for the videotape horror game craze THAT I ACTUALLY REMEMBER from the 80s/early 90s.

In fact directly after watching this, I jumped on Youtube and found the exact video my family played one Christmas...

Beyond The Gates borrows some choice things from this game - the message at the start of the tape, the gorgeous neon colour scheme of pinks, purples and blues to name but two - and so perhaps those of us old enough to remember the "source material" may find more to love about this film than those who don't.

My biggest complaint, is probably the dialogue. In the 'downtime' moments it's natural to the point of actually being dull. You know how normal, human conversations just don't translate to the screen? It's too mundane and too awkward. This film has a lot of those, more than it needs.

Nevertheless, this is certainly the most unique horror film I've seen in a while - and yes, there's also plenty of gore!

Turn the lights down and the sound up :)

Creep (2014)

Not the 2004 one set on the London underground after the last train - though I am fond of that one too! - this is an odd but ultimately satisfying little film from writers / directors / starring a couple of dudes by the names of Patrick Brice and Mark Duplass.

And I use the term "little" with consideration here, as this "found footage" flavour flick has a cast of two (not counting a voice on the phone).

Answering a vague Craiglist ad - for Craiglist is surely the beginning of a lot of hellish stories - videographer Aaron heads to a remote cabin for a one day filming job. He's met by eccentric (but, he assumes) harmless Josef, who leads him around telling tales and doing weird and faintly creepy things. 

Josef is strange from the get-go, but never really lurches too far into it to be all out scary. Thus, Aaron sticks around, films him, hears some strange shit and then tries to leave. After too much to drink and the night culminating in a scuffle, he gets away and tries to put the strangeness behind him. 

Only, he hasn't left it behind. Aaron keeps having strange dreams, hearing noises outside his apartment and most alarming of all, he's receiving packages from Josef, containing gifts and videos.

In a fit of exasperation and panic, he calls the police, only to realise when questioned that he knows absolutely nothing about Josef. He was paid in cash, never got a second name from him and that "holiday home" cabin turns out to be a rental.

Who is this guy and why won't he leave Aaron alone? Is he just a lonely person in need of a friend, with no sense of social cues - or is he something much more sinister? And what's with the wolf obsession?!

Creep is kind of a slow simmer with moments of high tension and some pretty effective scares. I am now five films into my Octoberfest of horror, and this is the first one where I've felt the need to brace myself because I was sure a jump scare was coming. Usually, it was!

This film's strength comes from the simplicity of the story and the portrayal of Josef himself. Duplass plays it with a dopey, earnest face that you find hard to think of as belonging to a bad guy.

But we know that's probably our first mistake ;)

🍺 For this film I was sipping on... 🍺

Pumpkin Ale by Saranac Brewing Co.
Three pumpkin beers into this and I am starting to wonder if I do indeed like pumpkin beer! I am sure I've had some in the past that I loved, but sadly this is not one of them. The quest continues... Again, I'd give it 2/5.