Cherry Tree Lane (2010)

Not NW10...

This is an English movie, even if one variation of the artwork clearly shows an American-style house and a white picket fence. It's actually set in North West London, and was written and directed by Paul Andrew Williams (another of his horror outings was darkly comic The Cottage).

That's... better...?

Cherry Tree Lane reminded me of both Funny Games and Eden Lake, and though it's neither as cerebral as the former nor as devastating as the latter, it still manages to be pretty riveting and successfully create tension with "only" a mostly one-room setting and a lot of dialogue. 

It never truly reaches heights of being scary (or at least, it didn't for me) but home invasion is always going to be unsettling... and here the invaders are not dramatic, masked, silent ghouls of unknown motive; they are loud kids with bad attitudes, little empathy, and when it comes to leader Rian (Jumayn Hunter, who actually starred in Eden Lake also) a real streak of cruelty.

The plot couldn't get much simpler; married couple Christine and Mike (Rachael Blake and Tom Butcher) settle down for an evening in - if I had one complaint, it was that the setting up of their dislike for one another was done so painstakingly, we were led to believe something would happen later to explain this, but it doesn't - and while they're eating dinner, a group of teens ring the doorbell and push their way into the house, taking the pair hostage. They say they want to speak to Sebastian, Christine and Mike's son. He's due home within the hour and they're going to wait. They assault Mike to subdue him and tie both up with gaffer tape.

What follows is a slow, stressful climb in unease as time passes, tempers fray and cruelties heighten. Much is done with off-screen violence, using the classic "we'll just have you hear what's happening and imagining far worse than we could ever show/afford to show" to great effect. Screaming and thumping reverberate through the house on a couple of occasions, and it makes up the nastier moments of the film as both the audience and other characters grimace and think about what's happening.

Even though this is a white middle-class couple up against working class kids, it never particularly feels like A Statement On Class. Honestly it feels more straightforward than that. It feels real in the sense that you can imagine Sebastian (whom we wait the entire runtime to see and barely catch a real glimpse of, a touch that I liked) is a mouthy little shit who acts like he's a big deal and got caught saying the wrong thing about the wrong person. I have known people like this - I think we all have. 

As nasty as Cherry Tree Lane gets, it never feels over the top. There are also some stand-out singular moments and shot compositions; watching one of the gang browse the DVD shelf in slow motion, tossing them aside, and the appearance of Christine in the foreground towards the end.

This one was a bit of a grower, but ultimately it left me feeling satisfied that I'd checked it out. I've been feeling pretty uninspired by horror movies of late... or locked into a perpetual scroll of streaming services through fear of wasting time on something shitty. There's so much shit out there! This piqued my interest - the clincher being it runs less than 90mins - and I'm glad it did. Oh, and anyone remember UNKLE? They did the music!

Cherry Tree Lane is currently streaming on Tubi! Honestly, Tubi is making me re-evaluate some life choices. It's free, their catalogue is MASSIVE and even if you have to wade through some crap, they have gems hidden in there too. 

I'd recommend giving this a spin if you want a short, sharp, English take on home invasion.*

*I feel I ought to say, however, CW: sexual assault. It's handled without exploitation, or lingering on the abuse like many movies tend to, but heads up that it happens here. 

Shelley (2016) & Antibirth (2016)

This turned out to be an inspired "fucked up pregnancy" double bill I made for myself. While both about an unconventional pregnancy, these two films could not have been more different.

Where Shelley was a quiet, slow build; Antibirth was an obnoxious, trippy mess. Where Shelley was set in nature, at a remote cabin on a lake; Antibirth took place in the slums of a city, full of warehouse raves and low-budget motels.

Muted natural colours (aside from a blood red title screen) versus an overload of bright colours, loud music and ever-changing TV commercials. Simply living characters, without even electricity or running water in their home, versus relentlessly bong-hitting, drunk party girls.

Shelley tells the story of Louise and Kasper (Ellen Dorrit Petersen and Peter Christoffersen), a married couple living a quiet life. Louise desperately wants a baby, but is unable to bear children after her last failed pregnancy resulted in a hysterectomy. When their new Romanian maid Elena (Cosmina Stratan) decides to help them, her surrogacy quickly becomes very unusual.

Antibirth, meanwhile, deals with a surprise pregnancy. Lou (Natasha Lyonne, basically playing her Orange Is The New Black character but not in jail - not a complaint) wakes up from a heavy night of partying feeling decidedly worse than just her usual comedown/hangover. Her stomach starts growing at an alarming rate, she's hungry all the time, yet sick to her stomach. 

Is this just one rave, one bong hit too many? Or does the sinister local drug dealer/pimp boyfriend of her friend Sadie (Chloë Sevigny) have something to do with it?

Oh yeah, and Meg Tilly is in this, too!

The differences go as far as pacing, too. The pacing of Shelley is extremely measured, it's a very, very slow burn, and even its conclusion is quiet and still - though not without making the viewer think about what the future holds for this family, and the world at large. 

It's a film that demands your attention, not least because a fair amount of the dialogue is subtitled (languages spoken, according to IMDb: Danish, English, Norwegian, Swedish, Romanian!) but a lot of it also is non-verbal, with reactions, realisations and contemplation taking place silently. It's a sense of creeping dread, rather than a loud announcement of horror.

In contrast, Antibirth moves along pretty quickly... though not always making complete sense. Lou is a train-wreck, and you can't help but feel for her as things finally start getting explained as to just how messed up her situation is.

Its climax, as one quote on its poster suggests, is "especially fucked up!". It's pretty fucking insane and amazing. I did not see that coming!

Being so different, I don't feel forced to choose a favourite between these two films... though if I had to recommend one over the other, it would probably be Antibirth, just for being so out there and such a trip to watch. I really don't want to give anything away, but if you've seen it feel free to comment with your reaction to that ending!

Both films are streaming on Netflix at time of writing.

"What's blood for, if not for shedding?"

I don't know why, back when I mentioned cruddy film realisations of urban myths, that I didn't immediately think of the brilliant Candyman. It was one of the first horror films I ever saw and remains a firm favourite of mine.

Although not strictly based on a popular myth, it's an adaptation of a Clive Barker story with the addition of a "chanting in the mirror" theme, so favoured by teens at sleepover parties.

Reasons why Candyman is a great movie:

1. The opening aerial tracking shot of the Chicago suburbs, following the road in a dead straight horizontal line with the credits doing the same; scrolling on screen and locking in place before disappearing. It's all a bit Saul Bass goes nineties but it totally works and I totally totally love it.

2. Yes, okay, Virginia Madsen is a crush (I also love her brother :P). She is stunning and classy and cool. I will arguably never ever tire of looking at her face.

3. Tony Todd. His performance is almost entirely vocal: in the car park scene it is resonating, mesmerising and terrifying. His presence when on screen is powerful and perfect.

4. Philip Glass' score. Haunting, wonderful, right on the money. He didn't realise this was going to be for a horror film, isn't that amazing?!

5. Ted Raimi playing the bad boy love interest in a cutaway scene involving a frisky babysitter. Ted is great and due to the Sam Raimi connection I will always have a soft spot for the guy - awww, look at the last trivia fact here!

However, his role in Candyman is entertaining on two levels: the geeky "Yay Raimi!" recognition and... amusement. Because he really isn't the first person to spring to mind when you think of a leather-jacketed hunk, is he?!

6. The "WTF? Is this really happening or am I insane?" theme. I love shit like that. What is real, is the protagonist losing it or is all hell really breaking loose? Love it - and I think this film is what kicked off that love.

7. Seriously unabashed smoking. I'm not even a smoker myself but for some reason I like seeing characters puffing away. It looks cool all right? There, I said it. In this film, they chain smoke to the max...

8. How much of an utter prick Madsen's character's husband is. I don't think I have ever really gotten over it, and to this day still hold a grudge against the actor! (Good work by him then, I suppose).

He gets his comeuppance in a mega way. Him and his new girlfriend both. I just adore the scene in the second cap there; as Helen returns to find the young girl having been moved in already and completely freaks her out. The bitter delivery of "I hate the colour..." as she surveys the terrible shade of pink this silly bitch is painting Helen's former home is perfect. And who hasn't fantasised about gutting an ex who was a complete dick, right?

9. Not being able to shout for help/warn others because you have been hurt. This film was the first instance I saw of that and it freaked me out.

10. Many, many quotable lines.

11. The entirely uncomfortable but superbly acted strip search scene. A non-plussed female officer orders Helen to take off her blood drenched clothes, whilst Helen cries and pleads for a shower and to talk to someone who might be able to help her.

12. The story behind Candyman and the chemistry between he and Helen. As terrifying as he is, she feels overcome whenever she is around him. Her eyelids become heavy and we are given the impression she feels almost drugged by his presence. It is alluded that she is either the reincarnation of the plantation owner's daughter that got Candyman into trouble in the first place - or simply looks and awful lot like her. In any case, he takes great pains to harm her as little as possible, handling her gently when he has cause to. The paintings of them both are gorgeous, too.

The headless rotweiller is a downer...

...but, I can't believe I'm about to say this: I can forgive even that. Which, given my usual stance on dog-death, goes some way to illustrate my passion for this movie.