Midsommar (2019)

Okay, so just a couple of warnings.
1) 🚨Spoilers🚨
2) It's about to get real fucking feminal* up in here.

*"relating to a woman". It's archaic but I kind of love it.

I have been processing this film for a while. Letting it sink in and then rise to the surface of my thoughts over and over. Usually, I try to bang out reviews fast but this one needed time. Honestly, I still don't quite know how I'm going to approach it. I'm writing and hoping my thoughts align, somehow!

To begin, I'll say that Midsommar was a balm on the wounds still smarting from my terrible viewing experience of Hereditary. There is much here linking the two: the theme of grief/trauma, the  bordering on (and sometimes tipping into) comedic melodrama, Aster's delicious visual style, and the symbolism (triangles: the shape of choice for the horror genre).

I now definitely count myself among those excited for his next film and how these explorations and links may continue.

Christian (Jack Reynor) and Dani (Florence Pugh)

In his Fangoria interview with Jordan Peele, Aster calls this a "breakup movie dressed in the clothes of a folk horror film". And ponders - as this chat took place before Midsommar hit our screens - how people may feel as they leave the theater after.

"I hope people walk out feeling elated and happy, despite the fact they just watched a small massacre".

Mission accomplished, Ari. I felt like standing up and applauding at the film's end. That smile on Dani's face... I felt invigorated.

What's fantastic about Midsommar is not only the juxtaposition of horrible imagery, stunning tableau-like shots and bizarre glimpses into the idiosyncrasies of Hårga - though those aspects are wonderful, of course - it's that we witness Dani and Christian on this journey of the slow implosion of their relationship, to the point where one partner makes a decision to have the other murdered in a ritual sacrifice and it doesn't feel at all excessive. It's a "horrific" breakup quite literally.

Perhaps it's because I identified with Dani so much... but really, who hasn't wanted to burn a shitty boyfriend alive?!

Aster draws these characters with care; many of the smaller moments feel so real and they work to build an understanding of the emotional chasm between many of the men and women we meet. Dani's stream-of-consciousness phone call to her friend about her relationship; bringing an issue to a partner only to find yourself apologising by the end of the conversation; the way Ingemar (Hampus Hallberg) and Connie (Ellora Torchia) interpret a past situation so differently ("we dated" / "...we had a drink"), Dani's breathing when she's trying to hold off a panic attack, and how Christian silently, awkwardly holds her as she screams her loss during the opening scenes, compared to the women of Hårga who emote along with her later on.

Over the past year or so, a number of films have been made that have resulted in me sitting back, exhaling, and realising what a sense of power and strength they conveyed to a female audience. This is a feeling that pop culture has been handing men since the dawn of cinema, but now it feels like new things are playing in front of my eyes that strike something deep in my being. Something I didn't know I was missing until relatively recently.

Stacie Ponder on Gaylords of Darkness called it a "power fantasy paradigm" and that's such an awesome way to phrase it.

There's the connection, sisterhood and female leaders of Suspiria; of being enough and not having to prove anything (especially to men) from Captain Marvel*. And now with this, again a feeling of female connection (the dancing, the breathing/primal screaming, the sex scene) and finding a strength you always had within yourself. Her smile at the end broke me and rebuilt me all at once. I felt my own face reflecting Dani's. It was art!

*Yes, not a genre film and yes I was suprised I felt so empowered by that movie. But I did!

This film brought me such joy in so many ways. It also made me want to a) watch it again, immediately, and b) rewatch Aster's debut feature with a renewed appreciation for this writer/director's unique vision and voice. It is MIND-BLOWING that this is only his second feature film.

It also brought to mind several others that beg to be revisited - or at least included, as I mentally curate my Midsommar-inspired film festival...

• The Wicker Man - ...obviously
• Kill List - Cults, symbols
• A Field In England - Outdoors; hallucinogenic visuals, mysticism
• Apostle - A small community with shocking traditions; becoming one with the earth
• The Endless - Cult/commune; clueless newcomers
• Suspiria (2018) - Sisterhood; female leader; dancing as a powerful energy

I'm definitely going to be seeking some of these out again as I ponder "folk horror" for the remainder of the summer, wait impatiently for Midsommar's Blu-ray release and work on a flower crown.

This is a beautiful, perfectly woven tapestry of humour, heartbreak, and death. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

The Stuff (1985)

I've never really given much thought to The Stuff, but this artwork gave me a flashback to seeing its VHS cover as a child and feeling repulsed and fascinated - a vibe I still chase to this day, within the genre!

Anyway, The Stuff, written and directed by Larry Cohen, is a satirical, campy, if slightly untidy B movie sci-fi/horror/comedy.

The "stuff" in question is a mysterious creamy dessert that's taken America by storm. The pink and purple signature colours and neon are seen everywhere: billboards, delivery trucks, street vendors... as well as sexy TV commercials and its claim of "Enough is never enough!".

A few people are rightly convinced that something sinister is going on, though. We have David 'Mo' Rutherford (Michael Moriarty), an industrial espionage expert hired to find out about this enigmatic product; Nicole (Andrea Marcovicci), an advertising executive who up until now has been peddling it to the masses; 'Chocolate Chip' Charlie (Garrett Morris), the face of another once-popular snack whose business got swallowed by the Stuff grabbing so much market share; and a young boy by the name of Jason (Scott Bloom) distrustful of the creamy goo after witnessing it moving around his fridge on its own, then being forced to run away from home when his parents and brother (played by his real brother: they both have crazily striking blue/green eyes!) all go nuts and try to attack him.

At one point Jason comes home to find all other food in the house tossed in the rubbish, and his mother serving a huge dish of Stuff to the family, in a bizarre take on a family dinner. 

Where did this delicious and dangerous treat come from, though? We're never told. The closest we get is in the opening scene, with an old geezer finding it oozing up from a hole in the ground. He tastes it(!) and decides that it's delicious enough to sell. Then it's back to present day (in 1985) with the immersion of the dessert into everyday culture and Stuff-induced mind-control of the population well underway.

We follow the aforementioned group of level heads as they travel around trying to uncover what the Stuff actually is, and then attempting to get the word out about its dangers. Their adventures even have them crossing paths with Paul Sorvino, chewing the scenery up as a military dude.

Effects are either goo or body-horror based, taking the form of practical (upside down and miniature sets, crazy fake heads, and just plain ol' pumping the stuff into and through things) and CGI (now laughably dated looking green screen). There are some inconsistencies with exactly how the Stuff affects a human body; sometimes people appear to bleed it when attacked, and others appear to be empty vessels after the alien pudding has left them. This isn't the worst thing in the world (this is a B movie after all) but it's a bit confusing.

I'm pretty sure I used to conflate this and The Blob, for obvious reasons, and it's not unlike it, of course. But the 1980's Blob brings nastier gore and a sense of its substance being actually dangerous. The Stuff, despite clearly turning people into zombies and occasionally (and far too seldom) oozing its way out of bodies, never really feels like a palpable threat in the moment. Everyone is obsessed with it, but ultimately the tide turns in public opinion and we're even shown riots against it, by the end of the movie?! It got one thing right: humans are fucking fickle.

The slightly chaotic plot seems to be the result of edits made from the original cut. Formerly longer than its now 87min runtime, edits were demanded to help with pacing. And help the pacing it did... only, it sacrificed anything the film ever had in the way of the art of crafting a story. Whereas presumably the longer cut fleshed out character decisions and actions, this version bounces speedily from one sequence to another with no time to lose!

According to Cohen the studio still wasn't too happy with the finished film, despite the cuts:

"New World wanted a straight-up horror film, and, in retrospect, The Stuff had more comedic aspects to it than the executives were perhaps expecting. They thought they were going to get a flat-out horror movie with a lot of gore and scares, and we made a film that was more satirical and had a lot of humour and commentary in it."

He's right, this definitely plays as a silly satire with occasional nasty moments, rather than an all-out "let the bodies hit the floor" horror movie. And that's cool! It's perhaps better viewed in company rather than alone, as it's so nonsensical it'll have you exclaiming out loud as it all plays out. Even the score sounds like it would be more at home on a chirpy Spielberg movie than this.

Streaming on Shudder at time of writing. Watch while eating something creamy!

Lumberjack Man (2015)

This wants to be American Pie with added horror, but fails so miserably I don't even know where to start...

You know it's not going well when you check how much run-time is left and it's not even halfway through yet. By the 30min mark it's already pretty well established that this one is going to be heavy on the boobs but lacking on the gore and downright woeful on the comedy.

The film is as good as this picture suggests.

There are "summer camp stereotypes" to the point of being offensive (remember, this was made a mere two years ago) including a fat kid, bitchy mean girl, dorky camp counsellour and a black chef - who they at least don't kill off, I suppose!?

The kills are so-so, the most memorable probably being when a woman gets her breast implants ripped out, but again, emerging from the flat writing and acting around it, this comes across as gross and unnecessary rather than anything else.

The "Lumberjack Man" in question is a hulking brute with a tree bark mask(?!) and a squeaky wagon which he uses to cart around oversized pancakes to each of his kills. OH GOD I WISH I WERE JOKING. 

He's given no personality and, despite being large and lumbering with a distinct look, he has no presence and nothing remotely interesting to make us care about him either as a villain or an anti-hero.  

Why Michael Madsen signed up for this piece of shit I'll never know. 

I was going to say this film would have benefited from being 30mins shorter, too, but ultimately the horror genre world would be a better place if it had never been made at all. Lumberjack Man is going to make you want to watch a decent summer camp movie, and I strongly urge you to do just that. Don't waste your time with this.

Hatchet (2007)

This was swapped with Creepshow for tonight's viewing, as I thought it would make an interesting next day bedfellow to The Final Girls. 

Both are a more modern day homage to "old school American horror", but whereas last night's was heavy on the comedy and light on the gore... Hatchet is heavy on both. We see someone get disemboweled in the opening scene!

Well look who it is!

Even though it's a comedy, Hatchet is darker both literally and figuratively than The Final Girls. Taking place in a New Orleans swamp largely at night, it's nastier, dirtier, wetter and more gory. We get guts and tits within the first 5min.

This ultimately became the first of three films set over a period of a few days, and this one introduces us to the legend of Victor Crowley: the Jason Voorhees character of this franchise. And just who is Victor chasing around the swamp?

The group is full of tropes (bimbo, heartbroken college dude, middle aged couple from the Midwest) but the dialogue is quick and witty enough that they don't irritate or appear too on the nose. Besides, the kills come thick and fast too, so there's no time to get bored. If there's one thing that drives me crazy in slasher films, it's too much talking!

What recommends this film and makes it stick in the mind more than anything else I think, are the creative kills. Director Adam Green and special effects artist John Carl Buechler went far with these, and with no CGI! So every snapping bone and tendon, and every spurt of blood was right there in front of the camera. These kills are bonkers, and I was reminded tonight that I giggle like an idiot when I see this stuff. Is that weird?

Hatchet is one of those rare films that you can tell is horror made by a horror fan. And an attack by belt sander, plus cameos from horror movie royalty make me a very happy one whilst watching this.

Fun fact: IMDb trivia tells me that there's actually only one death by hatchet in this film.

The Final Girls (2015)

This film was just the tonic, as I was in the mood for something lighthearted. The Final Girls nailed it in every sense.

So originally I had slated Final Girl to watch... That was, until a couple of people suggested I not bother, and instead swap it out for this movie. I love my friends! This film is a riot and a real treat for horror fans who fancy something fun and cheekily respectful to our favourite genre.

All hail knowingly cheesy DVD art!

This is a film that's so self-referential it's one step away from looking straight down the camera. And yet it's not at all annoying, and manages to play out as funny and fresh.

One of my favourite ways for a horror film to start is the sudden shock. Say a character is quickly established who seems like they are in it for the long haul, but then quickly dispatched (see: Scream) or a scene seems harmless enough and then something brutal happens (see: The Descent). Well... this one starts like that.

Main character Max is now an orphan, and a few years later she still hasn't fully processed the loss of her mum, a former 80s slasher actress. After a bizarre accident at a screening of her mum's most popular film, Max and a few of her friends find themselves trapped in that very same movie: "Camp Bloodbath". 

They can't leave (scenes and dialogue skip and repeat until they stop attempting to escape, and routes away from the action just loop them right back to it) and thanks to one of them being a horror nerd, they know who dies, when, and why. Unfortunately they also learn that even though they are trespassers in this story, they aren't immune to being killed off by "Billy" the psycho, either.

Using their genre knowledge, such as: boobs summon the killer; the final girl has to be a virgin etc, and basically being a bit more streetwise than the camp counselor characters, the friends set traps and figure out how to kill Billy, end the film and hopefully get back home.

The emotional heart of the story lies with Max. I'm unfortunately now a sucker for stories of parental loss, so I connected to this sub-plot of grief, and wanting someone back so you can say everything you didn't before it was too late. It's a nice little bit of soul in the middle of a ridiculous film, but it works.

The modern day teens are established quickly, but well, so when their lives are on the line you actually care! FINALLY. Also I just plain love Taissa Farmiga (American Horror Story) and Alia Shawkat (Arrested Development) so watching them act is a joy.

There are multiple clever uses of effects here, paying tribute to conventions in film while simultaneously ignoring the rules. Text at the bottom of a screen denoting a flashback causes the kids to trip over; a new scene literally "wipes" itself down the current one, engulfing them as it goes, and credits appear above the tree line in the sky, completely visible as they start their crawl.

The look, feel and even sound of those 80s slashers is perfectly captured, too. From the neon smoke and lightning to the Evil Dead-like twisty camerawork, it's all here and executed (pardon the pun) with such love.

The music I will let speak for itself...

A final girl word: Don't expect buckets of gore with this one. Ironically, given the title of the film-within-a-film, the kills are more comedic than creative. It's really about everything else that happens around them.

But let's just say I'm excited that Camp Bloodbath had a sequel!