Grace (2009)

NB: Content/trigger warning for baby and birth-related horror!

Despite a juicy premise, this film was a big disappointment. Grace sadly lacks the gut-punch necessary for baby-horror.

We follow the tale of Madeline (Jordan Ladd), a heavily pregnant woman who loses her husband and baby in a car crash. To the shock of everyone, Madeline insists on carrying the child to term regardless and, in a strange twist in the birthing pool, she somehow "wills" the baby back to life again...

We know where this is going. The poster tells us as much. Baby Grace doesn't want milk, this new mother soon discovers: she wants blood. Madeline - a staunch vegan, no less - must now cross some serious ethical lines in order to keep her baby happy.

I'll admit, at first glance this appears to be good quality ingredients for a bone-chilling stew. The topic of babies in horror alone is one that makes most people deeply uncomfortable. But Grace is further loaded up with two additional subplots: (1) A very, very odd mother-in-law who's kept her milk supply active for decades and wants to steal Grace for herself(!), and (2) Madeline's midwife is actually an obsessive ex-lover of hers. In fact we're left to wonder whether Madeline only married at all, in order to have a baby? The opening sex scene certainly shows her absolutely checked out from any kind of pleasure in fucking her husband. She's literally just there to conceive.

For a film with such a small cast, this all plays out just as muddled as it sounds. There are some nice moments (the gathering flies in the baby's room; Madeline cutting a victim's veins open with scissors! Squick!) but for the most part it's paced too sluggishly with a lack of real unease about what's going on. Which is crazy when you think about it. Baby-based horror that isn't horrific?! Grace also suffers from a real kicker of a horror genre disease: the absolutely absurd, shitty CGI'd last shot before the credits. I was already over this movie by this point, but that was the very final nail in the zombie baby crib.

The most fun I had watching this was playing a game of "Real Baby or Fake Baby?", spotting the rubber doll used for the more gruesome Grace shots. 

Grace was based on a short film of the same name, from the same writer/director (Paul Solet) but instead of keeping any tightness in plot that a small project might have - much like a short story or a play - this feels like the plot was bloated up to meet the confines of feature-length. It's a simple, decent idea surrounded by too much extra stuff that doesn't really work.

There are vastly superior films about pregnancy, birth, babies and motherhood... Rosemary's Baby, Inside, Antibirth, Shelley... and obviously a tonne more - tell me in the comments if you have a favourite one! My advice would be to check out one of those instead.

(But if you must watch this, it's streaming on Shudder at time of writing).

Stung (2015)

What makes a good killer bug flick? What makes a bad one? And, most aptly here: what makes a movie about giant killer wasps just... okay?

First, the plot: A fancy garden party is attended by the mayor (Lance Henriksen!), a bunch of other blink-and-you'll-miss-them characters, and a couple of caterers, Paul and Julia. After the family dog digs a hole that unearths an underground hive, killer wasps erupt and start attacking everyone.

But you don't just get STUNG by these bad boys. Once you've had contact with their stinger it's just a matter of time before a huuuuge bug bursts out of you.

You have a little something in your teeth...

The best part is the first eruption. The wasp decides to come out of a poor lady's mouth, splitting her head in half in the process. Said bug then comes literally face to face with Paul (Matt O'Leary) while the woman's husk of a head is still hanging off it.

And yet, something about Stung just didn't capture my imagination, and it struggled to hold my attention. It's got gooey practical effects, splendid gore and wet clicky bug sounds. But that's really all I can think of to recommend it.

I spoke in my last review of being out of practice hoping more than one character survives to the end of a horror film. Well this one made me feel kind of ambivalent about anyone making it out alive.

The characters aren't bad as such, just not particularly interesting enough or despicable enough to sway me in either direction. Paul starts as a boob obsessed, dopey stoner man-child and becomes brave; Julia starts blandly pretty and becomes brave and prettier. Then they kiss.

My notes say "the kiss at the end of Tremors I really wanted to happen. This one I just wanted over with." 

It should have ended when they crashed the car.

🍺 For this film I was sipping on... 🍺

Punkin Ale by Dogfish Head 

It's a school night so I "only" had two (they are 7%!) but this film would probably benefit from the viewer drinking more. Taste wise this is a little on the bitter side for me. It's a brown ale, something I'm not usually a fan of, and even though I'm definitely getting the spices (allspice, cinnamon and nutmeg) coming through, it's not ringing my bell. I'd give it 2/5.

Bug (2006).

I have just finished watching...

Director William Friedkin denies it belongs to the horror genre and yet it has about ten times more frightening an impact than The Hamiltons - for which this DVD had a trailer, coincidentally.

Adapted from a play, with a small cast and practically one-room setting, Bug charts the descent into madness of lonely waitress Agnes White (the phenomenal Ashley Judd), after starting a relationship with a shy but odd drifter named Peter (Michael Shannon, who played the same role onstage and is as equally brilliant as Judd, here).

Peter is ex military and is bubbling with conspiracy theories and paranoia; Agnes is part-destroyed by losing her young son and having suffered an abusive marriage. She starts listening to and believing Peter's rants about a secret government experiment on soldiers during the Gulf War.

In no time at all, the pair have alienated the one friend Agnes had and are convinced their motel suite, then their own bodies, are infested with millions of tiny US government bred insects.

Peter ripping out a tooth he believes to harbour an egg sack. Tooth horror might be my least favourite kind...

The thing is, we the audience are never told the absolute truth. Yes, these two seem completely cuckoo, but there are many little signposts within the movie that actually corroborate Peter's stories.

By the end of the film, the suite has been covered in foil and bug capture devices.

There's no going back after some final conclusions are drawn. In two magnificently deranged monologues, connections are made between all of the information we have learnt about Agnes; and even to us, sitting in our non foil covered rooms, it kinda makes sense. The climax of the movie is heartbreaking, completely nuts, and perfect.

If you watch this and enjoy it, then I urge you to watch it again, as it definitely benefits from a second viewing. The director's commentary is also worth a listen for the hypnotic voice of mister Friedkin, guiding us soothingly through what is a dark, surprisingly moving film.