Friday, April 13, 2012

I'm drawing a line in the fucking sand here.


It's Friday the 13th today! I saw a horror movie at the cinema!

Simple things, etc etc.

So! While a review (the sort where I don't want to tell you anything if I can help it, because it's so much better going in blind) or... at least something with a bit of meat to it tries to take shape in my brain, I just wanted to check in with you guys and say that I saw The Cabin In The Woods tonight and thoroughly enjoyed it.


Friday, April 06, 2012

And the latest WTF award goes to...

This sounds interesting enough to warrant a look:
Twenty-six directors. Twenty-six ways to die. The ABC’s of Death is perhaps the most ambitious anthology film ever conceived with productions spanning fifteen countries and featuring segments directed by over two dozen of the world's leading talents in contemporary genre film. Inspired by children’s educational books, the motion picture is comprised of twenty-six individual chapters, each helmed by a different director assigned a letter of the alphabet. The directors were then given free reign in choosing a word to create a story involving death.
The poster? I...


I am assuming it's meant to be weird and wrong and mad... to my eyes it's just coming off as funny.

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

P2 (2007).


You know what I wish? I wish P2 was as awesome as its poster suggests.


That wonderful, gritty, hard-boiled eighties-ness. There's absolutely none of that in the film itself.


With an opening sequence jump-scare which genuinely got me, being set in one location (a within-the-genre favourite thing) and a nice colour motif running through the movie, this certainly seemed like it should be a winner...?

Despite all this, there wasn't much of a kick to be gotten from P2. It suffers from poor characterisation and pacing and to be honest I lost count of the amount of times I checked how much was left of the run time. Never a good sign!

Angela (Rachel Nichols) is a hard working business woman. Before embarking on her drive home for the holidays, she stays late at the office and when she's finally done, finds her car won't start. Odd but seemingly harmless (wuh-oh) parking attendant Thomas (Wes Bentley, elevating himself from "creepy guy in American Beauty" to "creepy annoying guy in P2") tries to help. 


What Thomas does not offer.

She accepts but then decides to cut her losses and get a cab. Only, when the cab arrives and she tries to exit the building, she finds all the doors locked and the rest of security nowhere to be found. The cab drives off as she looks on helplessly. The lights go out and she's left to wander nervously through the garage. Suddenly Thomas appears behind, grabs and sedates her.


She wakes up to find herself chained to a chair in his office, sat at a Christmas dinner table and wearing a low cut, flimsy satin dress.

Cue all viewers asking: "Where was she hiding those?!". Sorry, but it'd be doing the film a disservice not to mention two of the main reasons you're probably going to keep watching it.

What follows... well, you can guess. A game of cat and mouse as Angela escapes and gets re-captured by Thomas, who becomes increasingly more batshit as the film rolls on.

One of my main problems with this film is Thomas, actually. He's not a good villain; he's derivative, manages to somehow be both hysterical and bland, and to add insult to injury he's portrayed as an Elvis fan!


As a huge fan of both the King and horror, I'd be okay with this if he were but a decent psycho, but he's not. The scene where he watches Angela on the CCTV monitors whilst lip-synching to 'Blue Christmas' was cringeworthy where it should have been creepy - or at least funny. Just, no.

For a film with only really two characters in it, one has to wonder how they both ended up so depthless. As entertaining as it may be watching the transformation from prim office worker to this:


We just don't spend enough time with Angela to get very attached. We're shown nothing of consequence with which to connect or particularly like about her. It's hard to get too involved with the torment when one feels neither one way nor the other towards the tormented. At least if she were a complete bitch we could find it in ourselves (some of us) to cheer her fear. As it stands, however, it's all a bit "...Meh." As the finish line of the 98mins was in sight, I just wanted it over with and didn't care who had to die to make it happen.

Still, there are a couple of moments of nice gore.


See how the red of the blood really "pops" out of the image, there? It does that throughout the entire film. A basic technique I am a sucker for.


 


So it's not an exploitation picture as the promo artwork promises. Instead the pendulum swings the other way, toward style over substance.



I wouldn't go so far as to say the look of P2 saves it from mediocrity completely, but it certainly sugars the pill a little bit.